Something’s Been Bothering Me

I recently read a blog post about how bloggers can share too much about his or her personal life.  It really upset me and caused me pause.  Am I sharing too much?  I am using this blog as a way to put the pieces back together since I had my break and was diagnosed.  It feels good to write about such things and I have received very supportive feedback on all of my posts – so thank you for that.  However, this blogger said we needed to cover ourselves up and that it was simply attention seeking to share such personal situations on one’s blog.

What do you think is too much to share?  I’m having a bit of a problem with this bloggers declaration that some things are best kept private.  I don’t have a huge list of followers, so I am not exposing my truths to many people.  I am basically writing for me, in a public format.  I change people’s names and try not to reveal the nitty, gritty details about certain situations because those things are best kept to myself and those involved.  But, this blogging experience has been very cathartic for me with all the support I have been getting.  I don’t feel like I need to cover up and hide behind something that is so often hushed up anyway.

I’m trying to play my part in breaking the stigma of mental illness.  My experiences are just that, mine.  If they provide comfort to someone else who may be suffering or know someone who does, then great!  If my experiences help make someone think differently about struggling with mental illness, great!  I am only one person and I’m only sharing my truth.  Isn’t that really what we all are doing as bloggers?  Telling our own story through our own interpretations?

I don’t know why this post got to me.  Maybe because I was questioning whether or not I should have shared what I shared about my husband and myself and our struggles with this condition.  It felt very private, but I’m glad I shared.  So, perhaps I need to tuck in my skirts, but I’m not going to.  I don’t think it is honest or fair to sugar coat this very serious topic.

I’m not going to always write about the dark and heavy, as evidenced with yesterday’s post, but I’m going to speak my truth, and I think others should speak their truths as well.  Be as honest as possible, because I think readers are able to decipher if you are glossing over the meaty details.  And, why would you want to lie about your own truths?

I’m not a person to wax poetic about inspiration and positivity.  Those things are nice, but I find them redundant and boring.  Everyone has a positivity blog.  Sometimes things aren’t positive.  Sometimes they downright suck.  It’s okay to say things suck.  And, that is why I’m not going to hold back what I have to say.  I’m not writing for this one particular author, I am writing in an effort to be honest and true.  And sometimes it’s not pretty.

I’m So Bipolar: A Rant

chair swirlsI have noticed a new trend in people’s vocabulary.  They like to say they are “so bipolar” when they can’t make a decision.  Drives me nuts.  Seriously.  If they had any inkling of what it means to actually have bipolar disorder, they wouldn’t throw that description around so loosely.  Perhaps I am overly sensitive, but I still think it’s inconsiderate.  But, people can be dumb and ignorant.  (Is that a redundant statement?)

I have similar feelings about people calling someone crazy.  “You’re so crazy…”  Ummm…thanks?  I had a number of boyfriends call me crazy during my undergraduate degree experience.  Perhaps I was, considering my current diagnosis.  Little did I know how hard I was going to drop my basket…

People just don’t think.  They find these words and think they apply to them when they have absolutely no idea what they actually mean to someone who is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Jerks. But, like I said before, people are ignorant. No one wants to find out the true meaning behind certain words, or even how to pronounce words correctly. An example that comes to mind is espresso. It is pronounced “ESPRESSO” not “EXPRESSO”. Sheesh. Even my spell check doesn’t like that word.

Perhaps I am overly sensitive, I am still trying to navigate life with a new perspective. But, that still doesn’t excuse ignorance. My husband actually reprimanded a friend for using the word “bipolar” when describing herself. I think his reprimand caught her off guard and she apologized profusely. She should have said she is having trouble making a decision.  So, maybe I’ll cut people a little bit of slack.  Maybe.

Also, people who describe the weather as bipolar.  Weather is neither manic nor depressed.  It has sunshine and rain and snow and drought.  Weather does not have emotions.  It has jet streams and ok, maybe it has tropical depressions, and the rain can be interpreted as crying.  But that’s not the point.  When you can’t make a decision, it doesn’t mean you have bipolar disorder.  It means you are indecisive.  The weather changing doesn’t mean it has a mental disorder.  It means it is the weather, wait 5 minutes.  You might be happier with the results.

I wish I could make a decision about whether or not I wanted to feel happy or sad on a particular day, but my brain doesn’t work like that.  I take medication to make my highs and lows not so severe.  It numbs me a bit, but it’s not as scary.  I’ll take that, but I would like some of that mania back.  Mania minus the psychosis.

Just think. Think about what you are saying. I suffer from this problem, too. I’m not perfect. But, I wouldn’t call someone crazy or describe them as bipolar. It’s just inconsiderate when you really don’t know what a person is dealing with, and if you do know what they are going through, why would you air their dirty laundry? That would make you a jerk, and I don’t associate with jerks.