I Don’t Blame New Orleans

My husband and I moved to New Orleans on a whim.  I had finished my master’s degree and was working at a symphony  but was not seeing any upward movement and he was working at the hospital.  We were in a good place financially and we both looked at each other and said, “Where do you want to go?”!  I said New Orleans and he agreed.  So we quit our jobs and moved.  No real plan.  Just moved.  It was crazy and romantic and everything I had hoped it would be.  He found a job quickly, it took me a bit longer to find something.  I didn’t realize that I was on the beginning of a psychological roller coaster that would lead to my ultimate demise.

We moved and it was hard.  He was working, I spent my time cleaning the house and thought I was the next best thing to June Cleaver.  Ha!  Then I found my job and we were thrown into opposite schedules and the downward spiral began.  We worked and worked and put an offer in on a house that we loved and the day we were to sign the closing papers, I lost my job.  Apparently I wasn’t cutting it.  I tried so hard at that job but I wasn’t quite getting what I was supposed to be doing because I had received 2 days training.  Big mistake on their part and big mistake on my part for not speaking up more about my training.  In hindsight, the mania was starting to creep it’s way in.

I lost my job and was left with being June Cleaver again, only it wasn’t so glamorous.  The house wasn’t as clean as when we had first moved down.  I was finding means to numb the situation and that was not good.  But, I kept looking for work and eventually found something part time that was really rewarding.  I worked there about a year before I quit because I couldn’t take it anymore. What couldn’t I take?  I couldn’t really answer that question to this day.  It was a good job and I did well working there.

I finally found a job that was honoring my educational ambitions and intellectual ambitions and I worked really hard at making that job stick.  I would stay up all night thinking of new ways to make things better and they were well received, but then I completely came unraveled.  I was going into a complete manic meltdown in front of my new co-workers and I didn’t even quite realize it at the time.  I knew something was wrong but I chalked it up to not sleeping.  They fired me after 6 weeks.

That was the turning point.  That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I lost my mind before I knew I had lost my mind.  The rest you can read in the archives.

Bottom line, I don’t blame New Orleans for everything that happened.  It is hard to live in this city with the prices of housing and the pay that doesn’t reflect that.  But, this is a city of rebirth and a fighting attitude.  If you can make it in New Orleans, you can make it anywhere.  I love this city and I have no plans of leaving it anytime soon.

I have been dealing with a bit of depression lately.  I don’t have a job right now and I’m trying to find the inspiration to find another one, but it’s not coming.  Eventually I’m going to have to take the first one that offers me a job, but until then I’m going to try to write all my comings and goings.  Writing helps center me and I have forgotten that.  Anyway, if you have read this, thank you.  I’m glad to have you check out my blog.  If you are an oldie but goodie survivor of this blog, thanks for sticking with me.  I’m trying to pull out of my funk.


24 thoughts on “I Don’t Blame New Orleans

  1. Alligator, I am so glad to hear from you.! I missed you very much and love your writing. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles but know that I will always be an “oldie but goodie” and stick by you when ever you feel like writing.

      • Oh Kel, you are so wonderful to some of us, you’ll never know. I’ve been run over and then put through the mill this last 12 months, I shut my blog down a very long time ago…but there was always you and Dancing Echoes

      • I’ll try to be there for you more. I have a lofty goal of writing a book and this is my way of organizing my thoughts. No one would probably want to read it, but it’s in there for me. Has it really been 12 months? I’ll reach out to Dancing Echoes so she knows I’m ok. So glad you are still around…

      • Kel, just answering my comments is enough Darl, knowing you ate hanging I’m there is good enough for me. And yes, Christy would love to hear from you. Love you heaps Red

      • I totally get that. Please don’t feel like you would be imposing if you need a listening/understanding ear Kel, no one can do it alone lovey.

      • Thanks, Red. I didn’t really expect this coming on so strong, but it did and here I am. I know you understand. I just need to find the things that find me pleasure and focus on those things. Perhaps this is the push I need for my book. I need to do something…I miss our interactions. You are always inspiring and supportive…Love you!

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